Liam: Reflecting on His Mixed Ethnicity and Childhood in Singapore

The 25-year-old student shares how growing up with Malay, Chinese and caucasian blood shaped his world views and identity.

Story first appeared on MajulahMelayu.SG

“I don’t think there’s a place or city that I actually call home. Maybe it’s because I moved around quite a bit growing up. Even today, my family is scattered in different parts of the world. So I don’t know where home is. Do I even have one?

My sisters and I were born in Sydney. We moved to Singapore when I was eight because my dad had a job opportunity here. My mum is Singaporean, so moving here made sense because it allowed her to be closer to her side of the family.

During my nine years in Singapore, I had the full local education experience. I went to Clementi Primary School, St. Joseph’s Institution and Catholic Junior College. I left Singapore when I was 17 to continue my studies in Australia.

I’m now 25 and living in Sydney near the very overrated Bondi Beach. I just finished my physics and philosophy degree, and I’m about to pursue my master’s. I’ve been travelling a lot lately, and I’m in Singapore for a few days to visit friends and family.

As humans, I think we start to properly form memories from around the ages of five or six. So I do have a lot more to remember about Singapore than I do Australia. Those years between eight and 17 were such a pivotal part of my childhood.

What I remember fondly about Singapore is celebrating Hari Raya. My mum is half Malay and half Chinese, so we’d visit the Malay side of her family during Hari Raya. I was just a kid then, so meeting lots of new people wasn’t scary. It was fun.

My friends and I also used to play a lot of video games like League of Legends and Counter-Strike. I know that’s not the liveliest of childhood experiences, but a lot of bonding comes with playing video games together late into the night.

And like most teens, I had my rebellious teenage phase during my JC years. I was up to mischief, like underage clubbing at 16, and jumping the fence to attend Halloween Horror Night at USS with friends. It was all pretty exhilarating.

The day I left Singapore, a bunch of my closest friends were at the airport to see me off. I hugged them one by one before going through the departure gate. It was a really sad day because I was leaving a life I knew behind.

At the same time, I was relieved because I wanted out of the situation I was in. My last year of JC was bad. Maybe it’s because I was in my rebellious phase. Maybe I just wasn’t suited for Singapore’s education system, but I failed badly.

Compared to Sydney where the focus is more on creativity and understanding, studying is more intense and almost like a full-time job here. You’re given a subject and you’re expected to just drill it in endlessly.

The plan was always to return to Sydney one day to further my studies. That plan made even more sense when I found out my parents were planning to retire in Bali. So logistically, I couldn’t stay in Singapore much longer.

Education aside, I struggled with identity in Singapore. I have Malay, Chinese and caucasian blood, but I didn’t see myself as an outsider. I know most of my peers saw me as a foreigner, but on my end, I kind of felt Singaporean.

There wasn’t anything that separated me from them besides the fact that my dad was white and I wouldn’t have to serve National Service. But otherwise, our lives were pretty much the same.

My identity and who I was as a person was a very difficult and challenging thing to think about. Even now that I’m based in Sydney, people see me as ethnically ambiguous. I’m not white like them, so there’s still an identity issue I’m facing.

What’s changed as I’ve grown older is that I’ve learnt to be more patient and thoughtful with how I see the world. I was quite rushed before and always on the go. I never stopped to think about anything beyond its face value.

I was trapped inside this herd mentality and always going along with this or that, never thinking about what I wanted, or contemplating why something happened the way it did. I would look at actions without the intention behind them.

Now, I have a greater appreciation for what’s happening behind the scenes, and I have a better idea of who I am and who I want to be. I don’t want to sound pretentious, but I’m more academic now. I’m very involved and really enjoy studying.

Where would I want to settle down in the future? That is a very tricky question to answer. My girlfriend is a French-American who’s living in Paris and has citizenship in both France and America. Paris is definitely in the cards.

But honestly, I’d love to raise children in Singapore. It’s a very safe environment for kids to grow up and roam around freely. They can discover themselves without restrictions and also travel easily from here.

But I wouldn’t want them to fully grow up here. Travelling has expanded my mind and how I think. The population of the world is eight billion now, and that’s split into about 200 countries. Each country has a unique culture, identity and perspective.

By travelling and experiencing different cultures, you might not be able to fully see how someone in a different country sees the world, but you will get glimpses into it. You can take away things that you like, or reject things you don’t like.

Ultimately, all those things will help build you into a more complete and well-rounded person. So yes, I really recommend travelling. Not so much to see the world, but to see the world through other people’s lens.” – Liam, 25, Student

Interview by Arman Shah